Two years ago, on the way home from school I asked my dad what he thought the best years of your life were. "Like, would you say that college was the best time of your life?", I asked. "Well," he said, "The average American sees life like this," and he held his hand in the shape of an upside down parabola. He pointed to the peak and said "right here is your college years and mid twenties. After that, in the Western perspective, it's all downhill." "But in Islam," he said, "we see our lives like this" and he slanted his hand indefinitely towards the sky, "in our eyes, every day, every stage is better than the last."
That conversation came crashing back to me after a discussion with my biology teacher a few weeks ago. I had asked him if he thought I should go to a six year medical program or not, and he responded to me "well, I mean you're going to not have any vacation time, be extremely stressed out, and squander away the best years of you life. I wouldn't recommend it." At the time, I completely agreed with him and started to really wonder what exactly it was that I wanted out of my young adult life. And then I realized that my life, was going to be different than the average American. For me, my prime years were not going to be spent "living it up" because for me, my entire life would be moment by moment "living it up". For me, every moment would be a moment to seize, to make the most of, and to enact change. There wasn't going to be some cap or some limit to my being able to enjoy life. In my mom's words, we'd be "partying it up until we died". Not in the literal sense of the word, but more so that we would be traveling, living, experiencing, laughing, and worshipping all the way until we were six feet under. That's because the Western fear of old age and esteem for youth has no place in Islam; the older I get, the cooler I'll be-minus the gray hair, of course.
The part about Islam that most people can't really get a grip on (even me most days) is that it's a faith of extreme moderation. For the average American, moderation doesn't mean much more than being careful about one's brownie intake at a party. But for us as American Muslims, moderation means that we curb the desire to always be instantaneously gratified. That we don't stop for that Mcflurry the moment we crave it, that we don't buy that new iPad the moment we hear about its supposedly amazing screen capabilities. Abstinence makes the soul stronger, and more capable of handling the temptations that life throws its way. Sometimes I see pictures of my friends having the time of their lives at parties, bonfires, and the beach, living their lives seemingly so carefree like it's a beer commercial. And I wish I was them because it looks like it's something so wonderfully unique to being young. But what I (and I'm sure others too) often fail to remember is that a picture only captures one moment. Not the day afterwards when they are humiliated and embarrassed at what they drunkenly did, nor the years later when the depression and feelings of not reaching self-actualization hit. After living life in such an extreme fashion, lots of adults start families and wonder why they are so incredibly discontented with their lives. It's because after killing their inner conscience with actions that went against their natural, God-given tempering, they've had to turn to materialistic forms of creating happiness. But happiness derived from the materialistic things in life only lasts for a short amount of time, so you see people ten, twenty years into a marriage or career, feeling unsatisfied, unhappy, and looking for anything at all to save them from themselves.
True moderation means so much more than watching what you eat and working out enough. It means that instead of having moments of extreme joy and extreme sadness, you even it out to be a steady amount of normalcy. Which in turn, if done correctly, can feel just like a lifetime of euphoria. Moderation means paying attention to every aspect of yourself and developing yourself holistically. That way, you can enjoy every singly moment that life throws your way. And the older and wiser you get, the better you become at that balancing act, making life that much better. As my dad always tells me, life is all just how you look at it.
So whenever my friends go on the standard rant of "well, I mean, like if you don't go crazy and have fun now and like in college, you're going to be missing out on like an entire experience! Like dude, you've never been kissed? Are you seriously going to just like get married without that experience? What about prom, and like homecoming, and like dude, your parents expect you to go party and have a little fun. You're going to be a runaway housewife that goes crazy because you've followed the rules your whole life, Samar", I always feel a little pang of sympathy for the way they see life. And I wish so hard that I could put what I've learned in their minds too, but I know that I'm fighting a battle against a lifetime's exposure to media and stores like Victoria's Secret that advocate the exact opposite, and know I don't have a fighting chance at ever winning.
So for all you parents out there, emphasize internal beauty to your daughters rather than external, because it's the internal beauty that lasts forever. And teach your sons that the hot girls, nice cars, and money will fade and leave them feeling empty, but that sound character will get them to the moon and back. Teach your children not to live their lives off of a check list, but to enjoy every single moment of their lives, and to laugh even when things aren't going their way. After all, everything that is happening, is unfolding exactly the way it was meant to be.
~Samar
